In this world of photoshop and perfect Instagram bodies and smooth perfect faces I cannot help but feel utterly ugly and hideous. I am 30 now and I’ve lived half my life dieting and hating myself. It has never been enough. Whatever I do, I cannot help but feel completely beaten by all these perfect ladies with perfect skin and bodies and even though I know not all of them are real I still feel like shit. The older I get the more I hate myself, physically. And I am tired of working so hard to just get to look average. It’s like a disease burrowing in my mind telling me how pathetic and ugly I am no matter what. So I binge, let myself go, and then I hate myself even more. Has anyone ever experience this?