Hormones or life?!

Question

I'm usually the one who tries to stay in contact with everyone and feels like it's my responsibility to make an effort please everyone. Since I've been pregnant and unable to run around/keep tabs on everyone and I've come off of Facebook I've had either people slipping away, or people that seem annoyed that I have been 'distant', that's only because I physically can't run around like I used to and text all the Time or call like I used to, I've had a rough pregnancy, I'm 9 months pregnant and have worked up until last week and I love 100 miles away. It seems soon as I don't hold it together friendships fizzle out and it's my fault! Probably the only time ever I haven't been running around visiting / counselling everyone!

I've got a couple best friends who it's just been easy with but my other so called bffs just seem bitchy, not that bothered and they've both had kids! I was there for both of them you'd think they'd understand better than anyone. I'm getting married in March and need to think about guests and I don't even know wether I'll be in contact with them by then, after one had a go at me recently for not 'involving her in my pregnancy' from 100 miles away, while I'm working, she never asked either I barely heard fro her!!!!

I'm just feeling anxious, I feel like i should just concentrate on my baby and see what happens and not give it another thought, they're obviously one-way friends and I need to be stronger and not care as much but they anxious people pleaser in my is niggling.... They still haven't found out they're not bridesmaids at my wedding! Why they think they'd deserve it I don't know but they'll still be mad and make it my fault ...

Urgh rant over, is this how people find life? It seems like a lot of people in their twenties seem to go through a transition period with friends.....

Answer

It's a combination of growing up and just finding out who the real friends are. People can easily grow apart in their 20's because there are several big changes happening. People are heading down different paths & lifestyles as they go to college, get jobs/careers, start families, travel/move, etc. It's natural. The friends who are worth a damn are the ones who will try their best to fit you in when they can, even if that only means texting/calling briefly when they have a minute. Good friends will understand when you're too busy, and will stick around unless you legitimately neglect them. The people who fall away the minute you stop initiating contact are the ones who don't care enough to initiate contact themselves. Just think of them as people responding because they feel obligated. If they were really interested in the friendship, they would take the time to get in contact with you too.

Answer

Yes, i would say everyone goes through a transition period in their 20s.  You will keep some friends, they will be the ones that can handle the distance.  They will also be better and truer friends, i have 3 women I still consider myself close to.  The rest will just fade away.  With a baby, you will no longer have time to give everyone all your attention.  You also will not have the energy or probably the desire.  I talk to one friend about daily, and for me that is great.  I never could manage to many friends,  but with two toddlers running around, i have no time for fake.

Answer

I think maybe they were caught off guard.  Did you tell them beforehand that you might not be able to talk and visit as much?  Did you have a talk to say you know that you usually try to stay in touch and you still want that relationship but may not be able to be as involved due to the pregnancy?  You've set an expectation with them and now you've changed it. They grew used to you making the effort and if that went away they might feel like it's because you don't care anymore, or don't want to.  They might have been perfectly happy to pick up the slack if they had known what was going on.  My husband rubs my back when he comes to bed every night.  A couple weeks ago he came to bed, rolled over and didn't touch me.  I thought he was mad at me.    I asked him about it (which is what they should have done) and he was like, "oh, I'm sorry, the cat scratched the shit out of my hand so rubbing your back would have been painful." And then that was that.  Maybe you're just growing apart too, that happens.

Hormones or life?!

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