Huge rant! LONG!

Where do I begin?

I feel so unappreciated. I'm very unhappy in my relationship. I'm almost 29, and my husband is 26. My 'husband' and I have been together for 5 years. We're not officially married. We're Common Law. We never had a wedding, but we have rings and call each other spouse. I had to buy my own ring.

My 'husband' has a full time job, but he makes considerably less than me. I've never cared about that before. Money is just a number. We have enough to live, and I'm okay with that. However, I've always gotten the sense that he feels emasculated by this.

Lately, we've been talking about kids and TTC. However, as time went on he seemed less enthusiastic about it. Finally, it came out that it was "annoying talking about TTC". (I didn't even bring it up that much.)

I was very hurt, but I dropped it for months. Not even broaching the topic of kids. He eventually came back around to it, saying we could try.

I was so excited! But now, we're going through a sexless drought. We haven't had sex in months. I do everything I can, but he's not in the mood. (Candles, massages, lingerie, not mentioning TTC before sex--so he doesn't get stage fright). EVERYTHING.

Yesterday, he came home annoyed, and he vented to me that his mom asked him when we would have kids. He let it slip that due to his money situation he's not ready. He flip flopped AGAIN. My head is spinning! I'm almost 29. Not old by any means, but I want kids soon.

I understand the whole financial aspect of it, but it's so frustrating that he keeps going back and forth.

To be honest, he buys so much CRAP. (Liquor, shoes, cigarettes) If he saved his money, he would be surprised to see that he can afford a baby.

He's awful with money. He hasn't gotten me a gift in years. No birthday, Christmas, anniversary, valentines, nothing. He'll lie and say he ordered my gift online and it's in the mail. A few weeks go by and he'll drop it, thinking he's in the clear. Lo and behold, there's no gift.

I've stopped getting him gifts.

I'm sorry for the venting, and I'm sure it was confusing to read. But writing it out helped.