Growing up in an emotional/verbal abuse

I am tired of my home situation, growing up I've had to see a lot of things a child shouldn't see or experience. Constantly seeing my parent tear each other apart, fighting constantly and making up. I'm tired of having to pretend that everything is fine and act like nothing has happened. I'm tired of my father, I care for him but at the same time I have so much resentment towards him. He has provided financially for me and my family, but he has never been their emotional. I resent him for for what he does. he is manipulative and insincere; I rather him punch me or hit me than have him play mental games. I hate that he puts me in the middle and tries make me feel guilty or threatens me that he's going to kill himself or harm himself. I'm so tired and I think I have reach my breaking point. I've dealing with this since I was 9 or 10 years old, I'm almost 24. Everything has been building up.