I am posting some things I’ve written in the last below, I’m not quite sure why I feel like this but I do. I am blessed, I know that. But I can’t get out of my head and emotions long enough to remember people care.

“Am I even worth anything at all?? Do any of you ACTUALLY like me or just tolerate me to seem nice? Because apparently according to my parents all I’m good for is cleaning and getting yelled at when I don’t clean fast enough or well enough. Apparently everything I say and do is automatically wrong because it’s me that’s saying or doing it and if by some miracle I AM right then I’m a wise-butt for being right and I’m being a smart-Alec. Ughh! Am I even worth anything? Does anybody ACTUALLY care about what I think or do you people just pretend to care so you can use me? Sorry for bothering you, apparently even my friends think I’m annoying so I know for sure you guys think I am. It’s not like any of you even care anyways, I’m basically talking to myself and besides if even my family thinks I’m a spoiled brat that knows nothing about life and is an idiot that can’t take care of herself then I’m sure I definitely don’t want to know what y’all think. I might as well run away, no one would miss me anyways. You guys would probably be glad you don’t have to listen to my stupid annoying voice anymore

Do any of you actually care about me? If I disappeared tomorrow, if today was the last time any of you ever saw me, would you actually miss me? Or only care in the way that “oh she’s missing? I went to class with her” and be on your way? Do any of you actually consider me your friend? Or just tolerate me? Am I worth anything at all? Probably not. Whatever. Not like you guys will answer anyways, probably think I’m just as annoying as the rest of the world thinks I am. Guess I’m basically taking to myself. Whatever

And I feel like I’m gonna break down and cry one day and just break. Not be able to take any more and just be done

I’ll be talking and laughing with all my friends and hanging out and all and then I get home and start to think and next thing I know I’m trying to convince myself (and failing miserably) that people care about me and want me around and would actually care if I went missing”

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have many people I feel I can talk to about this, some of my friends know a bit but not everything