Is this unfair of me?

Question

My SO has one child from a previous relationship (3yo), I have one from a previous relationship as well (1.5yo). We are expecting our first child together in April.
We usually have his son two evenings a week and an overnight on Fridays. Today SO informs me that his son was sent home from daycare due to vomiting. 
Not only is my immune system down from pregnancy, but my OB suspects possible aspiration pneumonia and I'll probably be having chest x rays done soon. My daughter just had vaccines earlier this week so her immune system is down, too. 
I had asked SO if his son could stay with his mom tonight to avoid risk to me, baby and my daughter. He told me no, she has plans tonight and it's not fair of me to ask her to drop her plans because their child is sick. So I said that's fine, I'd take my daughter to my mom's and we'd just spend the night there. He seemed to get really offended by this. I explained that I'm already high risk as baby has a known heart condition, I've got a history of pre-eclampsia and the flu/other viruses going around this year are really bad and I want to protect this baby from anything that could send me into preterm labor. I didn't think it was fair to assume I'd be okay with putting all 3 of us at risk because his mom wants to go out. Am I out of line for offering to spend the night elsewhere? I wasn't trying to kick them out of our house...  Am I out of line for expecting his mom to take care of him when she's already been exposed? I don't know. This seems like an illogical thing to me, but apparently I'm overreacting.

Accepted Answer

I think that he's allowed to keep his child at his home if he's sick just as much as his mother's without having to worry. if that child was biologically both of yours and they were sick they would be staying at your place even if it puts you at risk. however I think a perfectly reasonable solution is you staying at your mom's with your daughter and he should be happy that you have found a way to protect yourself.

Answer

I think youre being reasonable enough. You didnt give him an ultimatum you just adjusted your own plans to accommodate the situation.

Answer

I personally would never ask that of my SO.

Answer

No judgement just wanting to understand your logic process. If your daughter was sick would you send her to her dads to be cared for? What about if it is the biological child of both of you?
I think it is absolutely reasonable to reduce risk of you contracting an illness. But as a parent the responsibility needs to be on you changing your plans/routine to avoid the risk.  I were your SO I would be pretty offended by the idea that my child has to be the one with the disrupted routine because of a normal parenting issue when that likely wouldn't be a suggestion if it was a shared biological child. It doesn't seem like you intended to treat his son as a lesser priority but that is how it could feel. And the ex really doesn't need to shape her life around what is going on in your family. That is solely the responsibility of you and you SO on the days where you have him. It would be nice to have that kind of relationship she really doesn't owe you anything.

Answer

Mmmm... It doesn’t seem fair to be a building a blended family conditionally. I hope the little one is feeling better.

Answer

If your daughter was sick would’ve you have sent her to stay with relatives or would you care for her in your home? I think a 3 year old can’t help being sick and probably would prefer staying with his Daddy until he gets feeling better. Thats fine if you want to take you and your daughter to your moms but just make sure that if she wouldve been the one who gotten sick that you would’ve wanted her sent away too.

Answer

I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re saying, if I was in your shoes I would have done the same 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

I would be incredibly offended. first off if youre in a relationship with someone who has a child, that means you are taking on the role of a parent. that doesnt mean when the child is sick you get to shove them off onto the other parent bc you don't want to get sick. there is no reason that the dad shouldn't take care of his son especially if its his night.

Answer

I don't understand what staying at your moms will help, he is staying at your home over night so he'll get his germs on whatever he's touching throughout the house so even if you come back after he's gone you're still at risk of getting sick, however I think he should be allowed to stay with his father on these scheduled visits despite how he's feeling.

Answer

No you are right trust me my finance made sure to keep his distance from me when he was sick cause when your pregnant your immune system changes. I already had a bad immune system before being pregnant and now it is no different or better so he should try on working on a way to compromise. You don’t know what he has or where he caught so everyone’s health and well-being is being put at risk

Is this unfair of me?

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