My Ectopic Journey

September of 2016 I got my first BFP and was so excited. Shortly after I started to bleed heavily and found out I had an ectopic pregnancy. I opted for the shot, and my blood tests showed my HCG levels decreasing as normal. My HCG level was around 5 when one night I started experiencing the worst pain on my right side and I wasn’t able to pee. My husband rushed me to the ER where we found out my tube had ruptured. I had to have it removed.

So then I was only working with my left Fallopian tube, which they told me looked fine when they checked it out during surgery. So getting pregnant again was a good possibility. We were TTC since December 2016, and I finally got my BFP January 2018.

We were so excited, especially me because I was starting to feel like I couldn’t conceive. I went to confirm my pregnancy with HCG tests, and took about 3 and they weren’t rising at the normal rate. Went for another lab test on Friday and my hcg went up by 66%... and I was feeling uncertain. On Saturday I woke up to menstrual type cramps.... and I started spotting. As the day went on the spotting became brighter and brighter red. It was only happening when I went to the bathroom so I wasn’t freaking out too much, but knew something was wrong. I called my OB emergency line and they advised me to be seen within 24 hours and informed me there was a OB on staff at an urgent care close to me, so I told my husband that I was ready to go so we did.

At the urgent care they did a transvaginal ultrasound I could tell that something was wrong. The Dr. came in and told us that the fetus was in my left Fallopian tube..... my worst nightmare was coming true. We were told to go to the hospital ASAP and that they would call and let them know we were coming in. In the ER the OB Dr. On call came in to talk to us and told us that the fetus was too large for us to try to dissolve it with the shot, so they had to go in and remove the tube. I also had internal bleeding so they had to get me in surgery ASAP.

I can no longer get pregnant naturally.....

I’m heartbroken..... my heart hurts for my husband and our families because now will not be able to children of our own. We can’t afford IVF nor do I think I can emotionally handle it. I feel like a failure. After the surgery my husband said the Dr. told him that my tube had actually ruptured so there was no hope of trying to save it. How can this happen?! I’m devastated knowing that I will not be able to have any children because of my body.... I’ve lost 2 babies, and both Fallopian tubes. My pregnancy journey is over.

My journey as a mother is not over yet. I will not let this defeat me. We are looking at adoption options and just trying to look forward. We would love to be able to bless a baby with a home and would be blessed in return. I know this journey will be difficult and take time, but it’ll be so worth it. Becoming a mother naturally wasn’t in His plans and I believe I’m being called to go through the adoption journey for a reason. God is good and I believe He has a plan for me and that is where I’m now at in my journey. There is always sunshine after the rain. Thank you for reading my journey, it has been a way for me to heal so that I can now focus on the future. God bless you all and the best to you all on your journeys.