Pregnant after an abortion

I made this post anonymous cause I’m actually feeling guilty and embarrassed.. I had an abortion in October against my guys wishes. I just felt scared and panicky about the pregnancy. The last time I was pregnant was 16 years earlier with my daughter. Now I’ve been living everyday with regret and shame. I wish I could go back in time and do things different. I even thought about the soul that was loss... I pray that he/she forgives me. I secretly want to get pregnant again. I haven’t told me guy this but he tells me all the time that God chose us to be parent together and I played God. He wants a baby with me. I continue with I’m not ready I’m scared... I have a 16 year old and can’t imagine a baby. But I secretly want a baby. I was so wrong to play God and wish I could take it back.