Im just so lost.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me or think that I'm feeling sorry for myself but I just can't cope. I have no one and no one understands what I'm going through. I'm sad all the time and I break down crying and they call me a cry baby saying I have no reason to cry but I feel all alone. I have people around me but they feel empty and fake. They care only to an extent. I am always there for everyone yet no one gives a shit about me. I lost my job and can't find a new one and yet they say they understand. I'm depressed and don't feel like anyone gets it. Not my husband, family or so called friends. I feel so alone and I can't shake this feeling. I just want to give up. I'm that friend people go to when they need to get something off their chest yet when I have a problem, they ignore me, turn a blind eye. I have no one to vent to. They all look the other way. Even my husband. He cares more about what's happening in "his life" and not ours. He doesn't see that tuning me out or ignoring me or seeing that I'm hurting inside or me trying to be happy when I'm just so depressed is killing me. Whenever I try to pour my heart out to him and cry, sensitive or I'm a cry baby and I should just let things go but I can't. I've always been the outcast. To my family or friends or peers. They have never understood. I've carried the weight of my burdens and my siblings burdens for so long. All by myself. I had to be the strong one for so long. Having to keep secrets when my brother wanted to feel me up or take away my childhood or when my mom was too drunk to even make her children food. I was mom to 3 other kids and I had to carry that with me. I have no one and after being strong for them for all these years, I'm finally breaking and no one sees it and I'm hurting so bad. I can't stop crying. I feel so lost and alone. I feel so numb. And selfish and I just can't cope. I need someone real in my life. I just can't feel like I'm worth something. 20 years in my life and I feel worthless....