I have insecurity issues and I’m going to counseling for them. I also read and study ways to combat them, some days I’m more successful than others.

Today, I’m really struggling and hoping for some support, guidance, and constructive/practical advice.

I’ve been married about a year, and I love my husband and our relationship so much. We seem to just “get” each other in many ways. Others, we don’t. My insecurities are a hot button topic, so I rarely talk to him about it; it just ends in fights, so I try working on it myself.

Anyway, I came across some pictures of a girl he slept with before me. It was her naked, but covered, in his bed. Based on the dates, it seems she was probably the last person he “dated” before me. This girl seems to be the complete opposite of me and what my husband says he likes. She has massive fake breasts, her face is caked in makeup, hair is dyed, fake eyelashes, huge lips, ridiculously long nails. I’m much more understated. I don’t wear makeup, sometimes do my hair, natural boobs, nails, etc. Just more easy going and less in your face. No judgment about her, just opposite of me. The folder these pictures were in was titled with her name. This was months ago that I came across these. I never mentioned it to him and have just tried getting over it.

I was on IG looking at some pictures he posted of our wedding and noticed a girl with the same name liked them. I click into her profile and it’s her. I don’t mean to sound rude, but this girl looks so trashy. I mean, she’s cool and trendy if you’re into that, but he’s always told me he likes laid back girls and loves that I don’t wear makeup and he can be comfortable and relaxed around me. He criticizes people on IG who look like this girl and even family members for being too “fancy” and trying to keep up an image.

I’m honestly so disgusted and disturbed that my low-key, easy going husband would be interested or even get turned on by someone like this. She literally looks like a dirty porn star with her half naked pictures all over IG. I just can’t even see my husband the same way. I feel like he lied about his preferences. I feel like I don’t even know him.

Logically, I know this is before me, none of my business, he married me so I “win” or should feel good about that... blah blah. But seriously, I just can’t.

How do I get past this? Does anyone have practical tips or anything that will genuinely help me not judge him?

I feel disgusted to some level that someone like that even wanted to be with him. Like his prolific sexual past made him arrogant when I always perceived him more down to earth than this nasty one night stand or porn-type person. I don’t even know how to articulate this.

EDIT: I get how judgy this is. In another capacity, I wouldn’t put much thought into seeing a woman like this. The issue has more to do with questioning my husband’s values and character. Despite the judgy nature of my issue, if you discovered your husband’s past was inconsistent with how he painted it for you, it would feel like a form of betrayal and have you questioning who he is.

Hmm? Help.!

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