Do I love him?

When I met my ex I was 16 and completely and utterly inlove, a few years down the track we brought our beautiful child into the world, about 6 months after he was born I didn't want to have sex with him it got to a year and a half later and everything he did annoyed me and to be quite honest sometimes he repulsed me when he tried to have sex with me I couldn't get wet at all I the thought of having sex with him really annoyed me, in the end everything he did pissed me off. He loved me so much and I treated him like shit. I feel so horrible about it. We went on a massive break and I slept with someone else and he instantly made me wet then we got back together because I still loved him I just don't know if I was inlove, I feel like I met him at such a young age to stay happy with him for the rest of my life but then I look back now and think did I try hard enough is that what love is? That ur interment side fades away, did I give up too easy? Is marraige hard? I feel like I had this fantasy that whoever is ur soul mate then you don't get bored with them and the love never dies. In the end we kept breaking up and whenever I found out he was seeing or talking to someone I wanted him back and things would be good for a few weeks and then he'd start to annoy me again and again I didn't want to sleep with him. Now we've been broken up for a year and he's in a relationship with someone at first I was ok with it and now I'm so confused I miss him and when something makes me upset I want to be around him. Were still friends and I know he still loves me but has moved on, am I feeling like this because I'm jealous and I don't have control over him anymore? I don't know what's going on I just know I can't be honest with him because I don't ever want to hurt him again.