Type 1 Diabetes, Miscarriage, and Ovarian Cyst

I never imagined that I'd have a story like this to tell. I've been living my best life, I have an incredible husband, a job I love, a home, my dream car and I had just found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and I couldn't have been happier. Thursday night I cooked an amazing pasta meal for a tennis team of about 30 people and the party was a blast. I glanced at my phone and noticed I had a missed call and a voicemail from an unknown caller so I took a moment and found a quiet place in the house to listen to it. I heard the sound of my midwifes voice and heard the panic and urgency in it as she told me that there were some critical things in my lab that she needed to discuss with me as soon as possible. As I called her back I tried not to panic myself, but found myself choking back tears when she told me that I most likely have diabetes and needed to rush to the ER immediately because my levels were so high and it was dangerous for the baby. My husband dropped everything and as he drove encouraged me that everything was going to be alright and my parents and in laws said it was most likely gestational. Once we got there they took me back immediately and checked my blood sugar level which was literally off the charts.. the readers only go to 500 and it said "high" which means my levels were well over that. After being hooked to an IV, getting blood drawn from veins and my artery (immensely painful) all I cared about was the ultrasound and seeing that my 8 week, 3 day old baby was alright. They did a regular and a transvaginal ultrasound and I was absolutely overjoyed to see the miracle inside of me. When we got back to my ER room I didn't even care about my sugar levels and just gushed with my husband and mother in law about our little baby. Then the doctor came in and told me that there was no cardiac activity and that I would have a miscarriage.. and that just.. broke my world. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak.. I felt my heart being torn and only tears came. My husband and mother in law both cried with me but I just felt numb. We were in that room for three hours after finding out and I've never felt so empty. I couldn't even look at the ultrasound picture that I hadn't taken my eyes off just minutes before. And if that wasn't hard enough, they did a more accurate blood sugar check and told me it was 630 and that it was a miracle that I was alive or at the very least not in a coma. Then the gut wrenching diagnosis of type 1 diabetes was given. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. My sister has type 1 and I have grown up watching what a financial and emotional burden it is and I didn't want to believe id have to go through that for the rest of my life. Five hours after arriving they finally admitted me, and my husband and I both endured a sleepless night. They came in every two hours to check my levels and my 6"8' husband tried to sleep in the tiny chair in my room. Through all of this I have been so blessed to have him as my rock. He has held me every time I've cried, wiped away the endless tears, even somehow made me laugh and smile in the midst of my horrible new reality. The next day the obgyn came in to let me know my options with proceeding with my miscarriage and gave me the news that they also found a cyst on my ovary. Part of me wants to be angry and ask why all of this is happening to me.. I was supposed to be healthy and happy my whole life, like what did I do to deserve all of this.. but while grieving for my baby and learning how to handle my diabetes I just feel.. calm. I can get through this, I've got incredible support with my husband and both of my families. Last night I took the pills that would speed up the delivery of my tiny baby. I put towels down in my bed, made sure I had plenty of water, put the "hat" in my toilet to collect what came out and took my painkillers and then the pills. I was prescribed hydrocodone and ibuprofen and was blessed to sleep through most of the night. At 5:05 this morning I felt the blood running down my leg and knew it was time. My sweet angel was delivered at 5:07 and I just sobbed while sitting there. The little baby that we could have raised and loved was now just gone.. gone and no longer inside of me and i just shook with emotional pain. I grieved and just prayed that God would give me strength to get through this and thanked him that this has brought my husband and I even closer and our love has grown deeper. I am still hurting, we both are and will for a long time. But I know that we can make it through this, I know that I can live a normal happy life despite my diabetes. I know that my out of control levels killed my baby and now it gives me hope that once I can get them under control I can have a successful pregnancy and raise a family with the love of my life. This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through but I have hope that I can be happy again, I won't let this stop me. Tomorrow we will bury our sweet Jordan with my husbands siblings that also died before birth. I'll see you in heaven some day my blessing ❤️ R.I.P. Baby Jordan Alberson