Everyday since I had my miscarriage I've been crying, I can't stop. I can't work, I can't do anything. I don't enjoy anything. Ive tried, but losing my son felt like I lost my whole reason for being. My baby was that reason I fought so hard to improve. The reason I changed. Before, I was headed down the path of self destruction. I was constantly on drugs and drinking alcohol, contemplating suicide. I got pregnant and it was rough in that beginning, my boyfriend left me, my two best friends abandoned me, jealous ex girlfriends tried to fight me, my mother was kicking me out. But I had my little sunshine growing inside of me to keep me going, to keep fighting. Especially since I'd lost so much in the months before my pregnancy. My other best friend committed committed suicide, I watched my grandma fade away and die from cancer, so much. Now, today I feel like I'm headed down the same spiral as I was before I got pregnant. I feel like nothing is going right, I'm alone. My baby boy is gone, my light is gone. I just want the pain to stop. My son was the only thing going right in my life and he left me. I feel like somehow I deserved this, though I'm not strong enough to keep going through it all. I have a mental health appointment coming because deep down I know I want to be here, but everyday I wake up and lay there wondering what's the point? Does hurting like this ever end?