I grew up with a really great childhood. However, my parents got divorced when I was 5 and my mom got her first DUI when I was in late elementary school.

When I was 11, I lost my uncle to a suicide and he was my moms best friend. He was the youngest of 10 siblings, and she was number 9. A year later, we lost my grandpa to cancer. My mom has always blamed her drinking on that. Which lets be honest, is a legit reason to blame. By the time she got her first DUI, I was too young to actually understand what that was.

By middle school is when her daily drinking started. I would come home from school (even on half days ending at 10:30) and there she would be, drunk in her office about to fall asleep. From this time on, it was a daily battle. At this time in our lives, it was just my mom and I living together. I was 50/50 at my parents’ houses so luckily I only had to deal with her 50% of the time. When I was a freshman in high school, she got in her second DUI which caused heartbreak on our close relationship. Now that I was old enough to understand what was going on, I was mortified. I was sick to my stomach every time she took a drink. I was angry. I yelled. I became this different person because of her alcoholism. It’s so difficult to explain what exactly the feeling is and how she acted when she was drunk.

She showed up to my prom pictures and my graduation drunk and it was the absolute worst feeling. She was drunk, all day, every day. Drinking and buying a bottle of tequila every day. She’d have hiding spots and I’d find them and get rid of the half full or empty bottles. Our relationship was ruined forever.

When I turned 18, I decided to move in full-time with my dad and keep in touch only with my step dad. He kept my updated on things happening all while he struggled with my mom and her issues. After many fights and giving her ultimatums for 2 years trying to get her sober, she finally did it! July 14, 2014, she became sober and we have had the greatest relationship since that day!

Last night, I get a call from my step dad saying that she’s drinking again. I don’t know what to do. I’m absolutely broken. All of that hard work and now she threw it out the drain. Not only her life and her great choices, but also our relationship. I don’t know what to do. I’m absolutely lost. I can’t deal with this again. I’m scared and worried and don’t want to lose her again.