Is this all my fault? How do i fix it?

Lately things have begun to go oh so bad again. After about if moth of working on my mental health i feel myself hitting rock bottom. What pushing me over the edge is my boyfriend. I want to make him happy with everything i do but nothing makes him happy. He doesn’t listen to me or takes the time to understand what I’m saying anymore. He knows i suffer from depression and anxiety but he’s not helping me feel any better and i guess that’s not his job. Right now I’m pretty sure he thinks i don’t live him or i don’t care but it the opposite but when i tell him he just doesn’t hear it. We’re both in college and he’s super busy compared to me so often times i feel alone but i just try to distract myself with extracurriculars. For weeks i had the understanding that we weren’t celebrating Valentine’s Day this year because he wouldn’t have time. I was okay with that and willing to sacrifice a small holiday since he was busy. But he ended up getting me something which i was my expecting since i hadn’t gone out and got him anything plus my funds were super low. He’s holding a grudge against me because of it. All i wanna do is drink bleach. Or run in front of a train right now. I don’t want him thinking i don’t love him or care.