Last year in March I think, my parents told me and my brother they were getting a divorce. I have 5 older siblings, they told the 4 oldest in January and me and my other brother in March. So I wasn’t surprised, Ive seen the signs for years and I always new divorce was in their future, I just always thought I would be grown up (I’m 16).

Now in 2018 my dad has moved out, and I chose to stay with my mother only for school reasons and the fact that I know my dad can live on his own, but I know if I chose to go with my day my 2 other brothers who still live at home would follow me wherever I go and my mom would be alone. I have many issues with my mom but the thought of leaving her by herself at this time was heartbreaking. So I’m living with my mom, and my dad is with his father. So already with the weird confusing time of my dad leaving one of my brothers decided to go with him, which broke my moms heart and is just a weird adjustment for me to not be able to talk to him everyday and see his stupid little face everyday!

So now it’s just my mom, my brother Zach and I living at home, and to be honest it’s really fucking hard, My family use to be a whole, and now so fast we all have broken apart. I find myself always trying to make the peace between everyone, trying to figure out how much time we spend with each of them so that they’re happy. But I’ve realized in doing that I’m taking away my own happiness because I’m stressed and I’m constantly worried about everyone else. I know I need to stop putting this pressure on myself but I feel like if I don’t do these things, things will be worse than they already are. I feel alone yet surrounded by so much at the same time. I just wish things were back to normal, I know it’ll never go back to the way they were though.