I’m 14 turning 15 pretty soon, and I’m 5’7. Last time I checked I was 140 lbs, maybe a bit higher. We don’t have a scale or whatever it’s called in our house so I can only ever weigh myself at my grandparents. Last year, I got very anemic and very sick so I couldn’t exercise at all, and I gained weight, and got really out of shape. It really took a toll on my self esteem, but I tried really hard not to spiral. However, recently, I hate myself more than ever. I feel like I’ve gotten really fat- my thighs are really big, I have a kangaroo pouch, I feel like I’m losing muscle, and I’m getting really thick, in a bad way. My parents don’t take me seriously when I say I want a gym membership, but I feel like I’m too young, even though people I know have one. They got me a membership for my schools workout room, but I don’t want to workout in there, because I see people I go to school with, in smaller, uglier clothing (we have gym uniforms) that makes my body look even worse. I only work out once a week at highland dance, and occasionally practice, but I’ve sort of feel like I lost interest in it, because I used to do it with someone who caused me ptsd, and one thing ptsd can cause is losing interest in things you enjoy/do if it has to do with the person, place, etc. I hate my body and I hate myself after every meal and snack more and more, because I feel like I’m so unhealthy now. I honestly don’t know what to do.. I’m trying so hard, but I just don’t know... I don’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve weighed myself, but I don’t think it’s been too long. I would post pictures of my body, but even that... I can’t. I just am so self conscious. People think I started wearing all black because I’ve gone “emo”, when really I do it to hide my body, and it makes me feel safer. They tease me and make comments about it sometimes, and it crushes any self confidence I’ve ever had. I feel so alone... I don’t know what to do... tips, encouragement, anything? Honestly at first this post was just to ask if I’m fat, but I don’t know what i want from this anymore. I’d just like some help.

*update*

I honestly feel so gross. I just weighed myself, and I am now 155 lbs. I did just eat a lot, but still. 155 lbs. I gained fifteen fucking pounds. Now I 100% feel overweight.