(Long paragraph ahead)

So I’m sort of a shy, sometimes secretive girl when it comes to boys. Most of the time I’m afraid the ones I’m close to talk bad about me behind my back to their other guy friends. My parents are strict and only allow me to text one boy privately. I chose this one I was really close with, his name is Richard. We text almost every day and he usually laughs a lot at funny things I say. We’ve really grown to know each other and I guess I have a crush on him. I’m in a group chat with some of his guy friends and 2 other girls. We all go to private same-sex schools so we don’t really know each other. This other girl named Carrie, who’s was added when a boy in the chat (Gordon) had a crush on her. Gordon doesn’t seem to be interested in her now, but who knows. So everything was pretty fine at first, then Carrie became comfortable in the group chat. When I’m not on, Richard usually says hello or greets the group chat in some formal way. If Carrie is on she will respond and then try start chatting away about their schools ect on the group chat. Richard may just be nice to girls, I don’t know, but he seems to laugh at most of what she says. I feel really sad most of the time, because I feel as if I’m just another random person to him. I also don’t know what they might text on their private chat. I don’t want to make Richard feel think I’m desperate or annoying, so I’ve kept the pain to myself. I’m also very friendly with Carrie on text, so it would be awkward if I reveal my true feelings. I don’t want to make them feel awkward just because I’m sad, it’s too much of a risk. I’ve told Richard, using the code name “The Problem”, that it’s making me really upset almost every day. He wants to know what the problem is, but each time he’s asked I don’t have the guts to let it out. Carrie is currently on a school camp program that runs for the whole term, so she hasn’t been on text, but I’m really afraid of what is to come when she returns. I know I’m probably over-dramatising this, and I just want them to be happy, but at the same time I feel insecure and anxious.

Here are some texts of me and Richard’s private chat when he was worried about the problem.

Thanks girls!