Have you made it through an Affair?

Question

A year and half after getting married my husband had an affair. We have been married for 3 and a half now. I feel like I have given him enough time, but I’m still so bitter about it. He travels for work and I have expectations of what communication will be like. He hasn’t been doing what he said he would do. It’s all talk and barely any actions backing up the words. 
How did you recoup? Has anyone ever truly gotten over it completely? We don’t have kids yet and I’m afraid I will feel trapped if we do and he still isn’t doing his part. 
I’m wanting to give all the opportunities I can to him before I’m finally done and/or walk away. I’ve demanded counseling but of course don’t want it to be forced either.... 
Thanks in advance for sharing your story(ies) with me.  Prayers appreciated.

Answer

In order to make it through an affair.. he actually has to make it a priority to do the things he committed to or promised. Otherwise, it’s one sided. And one person can not bear the burden of two.

Answer

Wow super shocked at a Lot of the derogatory and in unchristian comments. God created marriage to be a lifetime commitment, through better or worse. That's means affairs too! There is no hurt that cannot be healed, in order to have a supernatural healing you have to have super natural faith. Sometimes the other spouse isn't going to be perfect or even close to what you want, but it's not about you! it's about a Christ like relationship, and unconditional love. When he disappoints you, stop putting your faith in man, you'll always be disappointed otherwise. Put your faith In God, ask him for strength when you are frustrated and hurt to be the wife he's called you to be regardless of how you feel. It will sting sometimes, and there may be some tears as you go along but I promise you once you let go of the fact you cannot make your husband be the way you want him to be and instead be the wife your supposed to be God will change him for you and both of you will begin a new life as one cord. God bless both of you and your marriage with unconditional love for each other!

Answer

We have a very similar story. My husband also had an affair early into our marriage and he also works out of town. We have been married now for 2 years and most recently dealt with a porn issue. So I've been down the road of bitterness, hurt, hatred, resentment, anger, distrust (still lol) and I've even been ready to call it quits a couple of times. But through all of that God told me to stay. Yup, STAY. My best advice to you sister is to cast your cares upon the Lord. EVERY BURDEN. He wants to restore your heart. Then allow the forgiveness of Jesus to flow through you to your husband. Also, recognize your real opponent in this, satan. And the he doesn't want you to forgive your husband. He'll do whatever it takes to cause division (bitterness did that to my marriage). And because marriage is the best picture of Christ's love for his bride, it isn't necessarily designed to make us happy but to make us holy. So I encourage you to try to let your expectations go and allow God to set the pace of restoration for your marriage. I definitely don't feel my marriage is where I want it but I have a peace that definitely passes my understanding. It's unbelievable what God has done in my own heart without me even seeing change from my husband. Btw prayer and fasting helped me tremendously!

Answer

100% agree with counseling.  We are all sinners and we all make mistakes.  I applaud you for your wanting to save your marriage and wanting to forgive and move forward, but you can’t do this on your own and you’re going to need help from a professional on communication and healing techniques that the two of you can do together to make it through this

Answer

Insist on counseling and start asap. Sometimes as Christians people just advise you to pray and it will all get sorted. Pray yes, but know that It’s going to be very tough to just work through it on your own as a couple. People often resist coz hey feel like they can sort it out themselves and they’re ashamed to see a professional. Do yourselves a favour and get help. You have nothing to lose at this point in my opinion 🤷‍♀️

Answer

My husband cheated after being married only a year. We spent a week apart and showed him that I was serious and wasn’t brushing this under the rug. We went to counseling and made some big changes. He revealed his longtime struggle with porn that lead to him cheating. But we made some big changes in our marriage. We now have no secrets. Sometimes I do feel like a babysitter, but he is on board and leans on me for support. He is now 8 months free from porn. 
The biggest help for us was our faith in God. We go to church and spend time in the word both together and apart. Neither of us use social media anymore, and a lot of websites are blocked both in our home and at his workplace. 
But none of it would work if he wasn’t committed to getting the help he needed, or if he wasn’t committed to changing. 
I told him I get 1 year to decide. In this year I will show him grace and love, but I still reserve the right to leave if I see him slip back into his old ways. But after that year, I’m committed to staying and committing to not holding it over his head.

Answer

You dont have to file for a divorce to show him you are serious.  Go and temporarily move in with a friend or back to your parents.  Tell him you love him but his actions dont line up with what he agreed to do and theyre not helping you to heal and you need things to change in the way you communicate and the dynamics of your marriage.  You should talk with your pastor or a strong, married woman of faith that can hello guide you.  In the meantime though you should put yourself in a different environment that will help you think clearer and relay the message that this is serious and things need to change.  Lean in to God, pray and find your peace.  💛

Answer

you have exception of divorce due to immoral on his part. do all you can before divorce. God will lead you to what He wills.  pray and seek Him.

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Once a cheater always a cheater. If you forgive him once he will assume you will be a good Christian girl and do it again. Know your worth and how you should be treated in a relationship.

Answer

it doesnt sound like you want to give him another chance, and why should you? the bastard CHEATED on you... i know lots of couples (and one marriage) where one person has cheated, eventually they have all ended things and moved on. If he did cheat... clearly his heart 'isn't in it either' (marriage), have you considered just packing up and moving on? there is no shame in moving on. good luck

Have you made it through an Affair?

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