somebody please explain this too me...

I'm starting to have crushes on other men. the spark in my relationship with my bf of five years is gone. we have a 3 year old. He's very mentally and verbally abusive and atm I don't have any good chance in leaving, but I do want too. yes I've tried to talk to him about it, it gets me nowhere except yelled at and told how bad I am. however at the same time I want it too work out between us. maybe it's because I don't want too lose my son? (bf has legal ties I don't have... his family has a lawyer at their command and his family is all cops). there are two other men I'm crushing on and as much as I do love my bf, I don't see him the same way I used too. I love him, I just can't live with him. i only talk to one of them once in a while on social media and its not even talking. just comments on posts here and there. and bf has had some unfaithful moments. I'll never trust him again. and I'm always stuck in the house. I have to beg him to watch our son so I can shower. why am I having crushes on other men? why am I wanting to be with someone else? I'm thinking about them more and more. I really can't figure it out in my own head. what's happening with me?