If you’ve been following my story...

So here’s a little update...

I met with my ex on Wednesday afternoon. He told me that he was kicked out of his place and that he moved in with a girl he’s been seeing from work. They’ve been talking for about 3 months or so. And he already lives with her. This is what has me so FUCKED UP.

Since we split in October, I was under the impression that we were working on things but doing so separated. We were still going out, still seeing each other and he got me pregnant. I told him as soon as I found out in January. He told me he was already having sex with this girl in January. So, he was fucking us both.

He tells me that he wants a few days to think about things and decide if he is going to stay with her or come back and be with me. When I tried to tell him I was not ok with waiting on the side line while he figured things out and was sleeping next to her at night. Because it’s not right and I don’t need that extra stress being pregnant.

I had to see him yesterday and he was extremely nasty to me. He didn’t want to talk to me and told me he wanted to stay with her. Then goes on to tell me he said that because I was rushing him to make a decision. But he reminded me how he still has feelings for me. Which I seriously doubt because if he did, he wouldn’t need time to make a decision.

I feel like if he has to think about where he wants to be, that I should just accept that his heart isn’t with me any longer. Ladies, I’ve been going through hell over this man. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I cry, I have a constant sinking feeling in my stomach and I’ve just been an overall wreck and I feel absolutely horrible. I love this man. I gave this man 5+ years of my life and took care of him and his 3 kids and got little in return. I want him to come back to me because I don’t want to do this alone. But knowing that he’s lied to me and that he’s been with this other girl is killing me. I can’t and haven’t even been able to function as a person. I’m truly heartbroken.

And the kicker? This girl has NO idea about me. And when I ask him if he is going to tell her he says when he is ready. So of course I’ve been putting on the pressure for him to tell her. Not because I want to ruin things for them, but because I feel bad that this girl opened her home up to him and he lied to her and kept this from her. She deserves to know. And part of me feels like he asked me for a couple days so that he could tell her and have a back up plan in case she tells him to get out.

What in the hell did I ever do to deserve this bullshit?

Sorry for the long post but I’m just so mentally and emotionally drained and I can’t fucking take it. 😞