how to know the guy your marrying will be abusive ?

Question

Any real life experience or advice ?

Answer

Ya know... my ex husband told me hed kill himself if I left... I married him and spent 5 years getting my ass kicked... 
He was a jealous CHILD. I should have known... 
My advice?? If you have to ask this question I wouldn’t marry him...

Answer

Just my assumption but someone who try’s to control you like you’re their child will eventually take it further and abuse you

Answer

Well if you have any concern about it, I personally think that's a red flag right there. My husband would never hit a woman, especially his wife. He would never talk down to a person or manipulate them. If I had even slightly doubted that we wouldn't be married. That doesn't mean he's not an ass sometimes, I mean he is human. But I'm an ass sometimes too

Answer

It’s usually something that escalates. Red flags include large power differences in the relationship, him isolating you from your friends and loved ones, getting angry over small things, “hot” and “cold” behavioural extremes and trying to control things like money, how you dress and who you spend time with.
Abusers usually gradually cut you off from your support networks and break down your self esteem. They make you feel reliant on them. Over time those behaviours escalate from controlling behaviour to verbal abuse to physical abuse. Stay safe, and LEAVE if anyone ever hurts you.

Answer

if he's showing you red flags or signs now.. has he very pushed you.. has he ever tried to control. your behavior.. has he ever put you down? has he ever manipulated you into feeling guilty? has he ever forced you to do anything against your will? or the exact opposite.. is he extremely kind in front of people but when you get home he is yelling at you or hitting below the belt in an argument? is he insecure? is he all about himself in sexual and every other way ? is he self conscious about himself? has anyone in his past ever told you he's been abusive? does he disappear for days at a time and then not tell you why? has he ever been in a situation that you doubted his truthfulness? those could be indicators.. I've watched alot of documentaries and read research studies and was married to a narcissist who broke my ribs and hurt me in many ways.. so if you need help let me know. xoxo

Answer

My ex had a lot of red flags I shouldn't have ignored. he had anger issues, constantly made himself into the victim, never really took my needs or concerns seriously, would make me feel bad for things that weren't my fault, could change moods very quickly, and often lied  (sometimes about things that didn't even make sense to lie about)

Answer

Unless he has shown previous physical abusive behaviors you dont and wont know

Answer

Unless he’s already abusing you you can’t know...

how to know the guy your marrying will be abusive ?

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