i’m currently a junior in high school, and over the weekend i went over to this guy’s house at around 3am to “hookup” but i was not planning on having sex, especially since i was still a virgin and wanted to wait a little while to do it with someone i loved such as a boyfriend. I had hooked up with this same guy once before (about 3 months ago) and it was fine and we had oral sex then but never actual penetrative sex since i wanted to wait for that. anyways, back to this weekend, we were at his house on his couch making out and he was drunk but i was sober. I had given him a blowjob and he ate me out but then he asked if i wanted to have sex and i said no. he insisted, saying things like “come on it’ll be fine”, but i still said no. then i asked if he even had a condom and he said he didn’t, which gave me all the more reason to not want to lose my virginity to him. we continued making out and other things and i felt that he kept trying to stick it in me and i kept telling him no, but i eventually gave up the fight and he began to fuck me. i was not into it at all and had actually never said yes, only no, but i had just stopped resisting it. he turned me over and hit it from behind and i felt a tear stream down my face because i hated it so much and knew it wasn’t right or how i wanted to lose my virginity, but in the moment i just felt so powerless and like i couldn’t do anything to fight back against him.

now my question for all of you is, was it rape?? because i feel like i’m partly to blame since i initially put myself in the situation by going over to his house at 3am to do other sexual things, even though i had no intention of having sex. but when it came down to it i stopped saying no and resisitng him and sort of just settled and let him do it even tho i didnt say the word yes at all, i had just stopped saying no. please give me your opinions on the situation! it’s been tearing me apart inside because i have no clue what to think of the whole thing. thank you.