First off, I'll start by saying the following:

•I know that a birth plan is just that, a plan. It does not always happen as you hope or plan for it to.

•I have a beautiful, smart, healthy baby girl and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

I am sharing my birth story in hopes that it helps me to overcome my birth disappointment. My preparation for a natural birth was plagued with a cervical lip [not many people have heard of this?] and leaves me with fear of having the same thing happen during the birth of my future children.

My little lady was due on May 18th, by May 16th I was feeling anxious and ready so I figured I should keep active to try to get her moving on out. Well, walking, squats/lunges and bouncing on a yoga ball all day apparently worked because I woke up around midnight that night with the start of contractions. Although they weren't strong, they were coming frequently so I called my fireman home from his shift in case we needed to make our way to the hospital. To my surprise, the contractions remained subtle yet close together for the entire day on the 17th. At 8pm, After about 20 hours of being in labor, we decided to get checked out at the birthing center to see what was actually going on. I was taken into triage and the nurse checked me out, I was 4cm! She was shocked, she told my husband and I that I was too smiley and she thought she would be sending me home. I was checked in and told I needed to keep up my activity so that I would continue to progress and dilate.

After a few hours many laps around the hospital, I was just about to 7cm and getting into transition. I was determined. I had prepared for natural childbirth with classes to learn breathing and pain management techniques. I had read everything I possibly could about natural child birth. I practiced yoga and remained active throughout my whole pregnancy. I was ready. I wasn't phased too badly by the contractions, even as I got to transition. Once I had gotten to 8cm I was offered the option of having my water broken, this was around 3-4am. I declined in hopes that my water would break on its own. After about an hour of only progressing about .5 cm, I decided it was time to break my water to move things along. I knew that transition was the worst part of labor, but only lasted somewhere from 30 min to 1.5 hours. Unfortunately, with my water broken and the contractions coming on strong and quick, my body was still taking its time to progress. After checks every 20 min or so from 4am-6am, I was still only 9-9.5cm. The nurses and doctor kept reassuring me that any minute I would be ready to push. I chugged along, moving into the positions they suggested, doing practice pushes and telling myself that 'this was it'. The doctor came in and told me I had a small 'cervical lip'. I didn't really understand at the time, but apparently it meant that I had a .5cm lip that would prevent me from the pushing phase. She told me that she would try to move it manually, this was excruciating and I had to have her stop after a few attempts. I had now been in transition for roughly 3 hours. My nurse (who was beyond amazing) was about to get off shift and recommended an IV (Nubain? I was delirious at this point) med that would give my body a chance to relax in between contractions which would likely get my body to complete dilation. To keep a long story short, it did not help complete my dilation. Upset, exhausted, and frustrated, I was starting to feel like my girl was not coming out. As my new team arrived, I was feeling like a failure. I had to have the IV med after being stuck in the worst part of labor, which was not in my birth plan.

This is when it got really bad. My body basically went into shock. It had been worked so hard for so long and I began to convulse during contractions. I could never describe the pain that I felt at this point. With each contraction, my body convulsed from head to toe in white hot pain. I couldn't move, they were coming so quickly and I literally had no control of my body. My nurse finally looked at me around 8am told me that if I didn't try an epidural to give my body a break and allow it to finish dilating, I would likely have to have a csection. I knew that I did not want to have a csection if I didn't have to so I agreed. My husband, bless his soul, had been amazing throughout this entire process. Massaging my hips constantly, being at my beck and call. But I don't think he fully understood what was going on. He reminded me that I wanted to do this naturally and maybe I should wait until the doc came back once more to see if I was ready to push. I agreed. After another 30 min of hell, the doctor had still not come to check on me and I called it, it was time for the epidural. I had now been in transition for 5 hours, FIVE HOURS. Terrified of not being able to get the epidural because my body would not convulsing, the handsome anesthesiologist stuck me with that needle and I felt it immediately. With the pain gone, my body finally relaxed enough to push. 2 hours of pushing later, Sophie Belle was here and I've never cried so hard in my life.

Again, I want to state that this is an outlet for me to try to alleviate my disappointment in how the birth of my first child went. At the end of the day, I have a healthy baby and that is all that matters. But, the disaster that I went through has left me fearful of future births. There is not much material out there regarding 'cervical lips' other than 'they are excruciating and can ruin a birth experience'. I don't want to scare anyone that is reading this to prepare for birth. I look bad on it and it was the most amazing experience because my body grew and birthed a human being----that is amazing! Women are amazing. The human body is amazing. I would 100% aim for a natural birth with my next child. However, hearing stories of other women that have gone through a birth similar to mine would be wonderful! Please share your experiences with cervical lips, posterior births, or any sort of failure to progress/stuck in transition.

Here's to hoping for a speedier birth next time around! [36 hours total from first contraction to birth]