I’m happy to be pregnant and although today was only my intake, I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks and I have faith all will be well with baby.

What really messed me up was my weight - it wasn’t my weight. I’ve never weighed more than 220 and the scale at the office read 248! Of course, I know it was correct. I had been noticing a change in my asthma and the way my face looked, but I had been eating pretty well so I didn’t even consider I’d gained almost 30 lbs. I also just know my doctor is going to scold me about it which I don’t wanna hear because I KNOW and I already feel bad enough. I know she won’t be trying to make me feel bad, but I do, I’m really disappointed in myself that I didn’t even notice! I’m even still a size 16 which is okay, I preferred size 12 but eh, it’s just that I can feel this extra weight effecting me.

Now I feel like I won’t even enjoy my pregnancy because I will spend the rest of these months being upset about my weight. I’ve always been plus size and pretty happy, but I’m not happy at this current weight/size for myself. I also read conflicting things about how much to gain, whether to not gain any or whether it is okay to lose some. It’s so confusing... but even if I could figure it out I’ve been so tired and sick I don’t know if I could muster myself to do anything about it