What was it like falling in love with your SO?

I ask because though I’m engaged, I don’t feel like I ever fell head over heels in love. I wasn’t physically attracted to him either. I recently dreamed that I fell in love with someone and I woke up with my heart was aching because I wished so badly to experience that kind of love with someone. We’re buying a house and everything and I think it’s too late for me to find love like that. I’m not sure it exists....does it?

To keep anon I have to reply to comments up here....he hates kissing, we’ve never kissed, I feel repulsed by him most times and embarrassed he’s my SO. He has some mental disorders and has no moral compass. He is high functioning though. I do love him but not really “in love”. I really feel like things went too fast and now it’s too late for me. I’m not good at dating or any of that and maybe I was meant to be single forever :(