Help! women who can go on for the rest of their lives without sex.

I'm reaching out for help. I feel like crap because I hate saying no to my husband everytime he wants to have sex. I've always never been excited about sex so nothing is new but I just hate it when my husband has to beg me or that I wine everytime I give in to have sex with him. I don't think I have a low sex drive, i think it's just that I'm too lazy to have sex. I get horny and all that but I would much rather please myself instead of having sex. Because to me sex is about two people and I don't like that. Now when we finally have sex it's great and I enjoy it. My husband isn't crazy about sex either (thank God because it would be worse), but he definitely needs to have sex 2 or 3 times a week. The type of sex we have is: pull your pants down kinda thing and let's do it and we are done in 10 mins with no kissing or anything. It seems like we are both ok with that. Now my issue is it's getting worse for me and everytime he asks for sex, I feel like crying. because this iz how much I don't want to do it. Now I've never refused to have sex with him but I give him such a hard time to the point where I kill it for him. Oh and blow jobs are even worse. I don't even want him to touch me or cuddle me. It bothers me so much. The affection is gone. Now my husband is very touchy and I'm all about romantic talking and loving approach. My husband lacks that to a great level. He is harsh and not affoctinate whatsoever ( by affectionate I mean not a sweet talker). I'm not trying to make it sound like it's his fault but honestly even when we have sex, it's all about him. He likes to penetrate when it's dry there and it hurts me but he keeps doing it anyways even when I clearly tell him it hurts, he won't even try to get me in the mood by rubbing me etc but would tell me in a cold way to "well get yourself in the mood" Anyways this is getting too long. For the woman with similar problem, please tell me how do I change? how do I find ways to make me more excited about having sex. I'm very sad because i don't want to hurt his feelings anymore but Al'so I want to willingly do it and enjoy it. 😔