Feel like a horrible mom....

I was diagnosed with PPD last month and have been taking meds for it and they wanted me to see a psychiatrist but I'm just not ready for that, I wanted to handle issues at home to see if I feel any better. I had been doing well until today. I wasn't feeling well at all and everything was the end of the world for my 11 month old today and I snapped. While she played in the tub after I bathed her I sat and balled telling myself I can't have anymore kids because I can't handle one now without losing it. Ended up having a panic attack and had to use my cbd oil to calm down. I feel horrible for not giving her the attention she needed today but I felt like shit and could hardly handle myself today. As much as I want another baby eventually because I hated being an only child and said I wouldn't do that to my kid, I just don't know if I can do it. Am I just getting ahead of myself??