Gods plan and prayers

As I write this my husband is asleep next to me. I need to get this out and do not want to burden family and friends with my sadness. We could really use prayers. I struggle giving my worries up to God.

I am diagnosed with a nerve condition it affected my left foot. I was in so much pain doctor implanted a device in my spine. That surgery didn't work and the nerve condition spread to my whole lower body. I was very ill. I was hospitalized then placed in a nursing home.

I am disabled and my future I will be permanently wheelchair bound. I told myself I would do anything and everything to have a quality life but will not do another surgery.

My doctors say nothing more can be done and I need to have this surgery. We've been trying for a family and I am supposed to start infertility medication.

Here is my dilemma, if I have the surgery and it goes wrong for the 3rd time I could be worse off. We could never have our own children. I wouldn't be able to care for my children or my self. If we have a child then surgery the tole on my body could be horrific. If we have a child and things go wrong in surgery. My husband is left caring for all of us.

My husband wants me to try the 3rd surgery. He is worried at 30 my quality of life is so grim. I am so heart broken that our dreams and plans have to change. I am in such a place of grief over what has been taken from me. I am not sure what Gods plan is for us. Last time I was so broken down emotionally and physically from this.

We really just need prayers.