Hi friends!

I really struggled growing up because I felt different. All the girls had crushes and I’m like ??? Wat.

Then the boys started to and I’m like ??? Nani?

But yeah. Bullying started to set in. I got harassed because I didn’t go to school dances, which was because I didn’t see the point. I didn’t want to dance with boys, I wanted to play sports, video games and have fun.

I had been called so many names and physically and verbally harassed daily. It even got sexual at one point.

My family noticed I started crying a lot, and stopped wanting to go to school.

I transferred to a new school in 5th grade. And started claiming to like boys, just so the rest of the girls wouldn’t think I was weird. It used to be just agreeing with the other girls, but knew that it wouldn’t last long. I studied magazines like just14 and seventeen magazine to see what most girls considered “hot”. And started to apply that consciously to other guys I knew in real life. By the time I reached sophomore year, I perfected this to the point where I didn’t have to think about it anymore. I knew what people found hot, so I could say it about guys in the hall to my friends and we could finally giggle and gossip on the same page.

However, it all felt very artificial.

I always felt like a freak or abnormality because I felt like I was the only one with this problem.

I first learned what asexuality was when I was 18 and graduated. A girl I knew who I always found beautiful because of her confidence and fearlessness, outed she was asexual. And it didn’t make sense at first. I only knew of asexual from biology. Single celled organisms that reproduced by themselves.

I then learned over time what it was.

When I finally grasped it, I started crying so hard. Because finally I felt that I wasn’t alone. And that there was someone, even if just one person, that felt the way I did.

Im not huge on labels because I feel it is a breeding ground for discrimination, but I think labels are really necessary right now. Because people, even in my adult years, don’t respect the way someone feels if they don’t understand it themselves.

And it really sucks, but that’s how it is.

I rarely feel any sort of arousal. I don’t get horny often. I am engaged to a man.

I also am panromantic. I can and have fallen in love EMOTIONALLY with anyone. However regardless of how I feel about someone emotionally, the sex drive remains not really existent.

My fiancé and I do have sex, and I am capable of orgasm. And he does make me orgasm. However, it’s not really something I seek or need. I do it because I love him. And he never makes me do anything I don’t want to do. He doesn’t ever guilt me for not wanting to do things either. Never has. Ever. It’s a mutual respect.

I’m really happy to know that I’m not like, a freak or defective human.

Still learning more about it, but I am what I am. And it feels good to know there are others out there.