No purpose anymore.

I just really need to vent..

I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 20. We just recently had a baby but the thing is we had to give our son up for adoption. We didn’t have even financial support, he works 40+ hours a week but only makes 13.50 and has a truck payment to pay, insurance, phone bill, has etc. we made the decision to give our son the best chance at life possible and gave him up to an amazing family and they are so happy and that’s great but the worst thing of it all was that we hid the pregnancy. I hid the pregnancy from my entire family, his entire family and friends for the whole 9 months. My mom found out when I was in labor and had needed driven to the hospital. Well, she was furious and said she had no way to help us no matter what she did she didn’t have the money. So we chose adoption, ever since giving up my baby I have felt so lost. I have felt so hopeless, like I have no purpose in living. All I have ever wanted was to be a mother and I had the chance and now it’s gone. Everyday is a struggle to get out of bed, to brush my hair, to brush my teeth, to shower, everything. I gave up the most perfect little human being and I feel like the most shitty person. Everyday is constant lies trying to cover up one big lie. No one listens to me anymore, my boyfriend doesn’t listen and neither does my mom. I have tried so hard to talk about being depressed/suicidal but no one listens to me. I just dont know anymore.

Thank you everyone for the kind posts it really is amazing.