How to deal with a cheap boyfriend?
**Before responding please please please don’t suggest to leave him or that he doesn’t care as much or doesn’t love me. You don’t know what our relationship is like and I don’t believe the amount of money we spend on each other defines that**
So I’ve been in an on-and-off long distance relationship with this guy for over a year now and I can’t get him to put aside a dime for us. I mean, visiting each other is always expensive but I seem to be always the only one willing to make the investment. He has many relatives that live around here so his family visits every now and then and that‘s the only time he’ll come here. Within the 3 times his family came he was only able to see me once and that was just for a few hours, which is why I keep pressing him to come here on his own. Last summer I saved up a couple hundred dollars to come see him.. so I don’t see why he can’t do the same for me? Especially since he has a job and I can’t work (I‘m just good at saving). I think the weirdest part about it all is that he always says he’ll come but never does.
I’m completely willing to save up and visit him a few times this summer, especially since his birthday is coming up and he never celebrates it, but I told him I can’t keep travelling for him if he’s not willing to travel for me. I’d also love to start buying each other gifts and taking vacations or even just taking turns visiting each other every month because messaging and calling forever gets annoying and he always talks about how he likes the ideas but I don’t see any effort being put in on his end. Also keep in mind he’s never bought me anything or paid for dates or helped me out with the cost of my tickets.
Basically I just don’t understand where his money could possibly going. I’m especially confused because he works a lot but won’t even pay his phone bill. He hasn’t had a phone number since I made him get one last summer. He also doesn’t spend at all. I never see him shopping for new clothes or buying expensive things or anything.
Lately he’s been talking a lot about getting married and moving in so maybe he’s saving up for that but I doubt it. And I don’t think he’s saving for a car either because he doesn’t have a licence and never mentioned wanting one.
Idk is he just super stingy? Do you think he’s saving up for something? How do I get him to start investing into us? Should I leave it alone or keep suggesting he should come see me?
P.s. yes I realize how weird my boyfriend is for not having a phone number or a licence or a car lmaaooo. We’re both only 20 and he says he doesn’t need any of those things (even though I keep telling him he should probably get them)
UPDATE: I appreciate a lot of the advice/thoughts and they’ve helped a lot but I’m seeing people focusing on my first paragraph so let me elaborate. The reason why I don’t think he’s spending on another woman or a family (while keeping in mind that it is a possibility) is because we literally text/call/facetime all day and when we’re not, I know exactly where he is and what he’s doing and who he’s with and he gives proof (without me asking). Of course there’s always the possibility that he’s cheating and I’m never going to deny that but I highly doubt that if he was he’d spend hundreds of dollars on a side chick he can barely see/talk to. It just doesn’t make sense. Secondly, he lives with his parents just like I do and I’ve met his family. They’re strict East Africans just like mine and if you’re East African as well you know that our parents watch where our money goes and what we do with it and there’s no way his parents would allow him to live under their roof with a family or a woman he’s supporting like that especially after he talked to them about marrying me.
Also, I’m not looking for consolations or reassurance or people to make me feel better and that’s not why I put the disclaimer there. I also didn’t add it because I’m blinded by love or something. I put it there because I simply wanted to know what explanations there were for someone who doesn’t spend money and what I should personally do about it. I was hoping that it would filter through the speculations and just give me practical scenarios just like how Una suggested he might be helping his parents with bills. That was my only intention for including it 😊
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.