Heart Broken

Jessica

This is just for me to vent. I have no one to talk to and that is my fault because I suck at keeping in touch with people. The husband and I decided last week to end our marriage. We have no kids and do not own any property together. We made it 11 months of marriage. The husband and I always talked about having a family and even picked out our future kids names. But the one thing he wanted before having kids was for me to be healthy, meaning doing some kind of exercise. I am not fit or athletic but I think I have a nice body. I guess you can say he is a health freak. I wanted to be healthier than I was but I also didnt want it to be forced upon me and I wanted to do it on my own terms. So I resented him for it and shut him out whenever he brought it up. But 2 years later, he didnt get what he wanted in a timely fashion and we both ended up shutting each other out. When we got our puppy in December 2017, that is when I started to walk with him and take him on hikes. But it was too late for the Husband. I have supported him through his parents divorce, when he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had surgery. I supported him when he made the decision to go to law school and took care of our puppy when he was studying for painting houses for extra money. I am angry at myself, at him, and at the whole situation. I keep thinking to myself, what if I just sucked it up a long time ago and got healthier like he wanted. I am angry because I am now 32 years old, husbandless, and childless. I am angry because he is giving up. I look at other couples around us and I would have never thought that he and I would end up like this. We have a dog together that we will be sharing custody with. But I am sad because our puppy didnt really know what it was like to be a family. I am sad because this is not our dog's fault but he has to see me cry and not understand why. Anyways, thank you for letting me share.