Feeling Worthless

So my cousin and his girlfriend just had their baby. I’m due in June and I feel like my family on my dad’s side doesn’t care. My mom’s side and my parents have been great and supportive but the rest of the family treats me like I have cooties or like I’m the fat kid at school that people treat differently (saying that because I was that kid and how I feel right now is like I did back then). All my life I’ve done nothing but try to make them like me and nothing I do is ever good enough.

My baby shower for my family is tomorrow so we’re staying with my grandma since it’s far from where I live. We went to see my cousin’s baby and they let us hold him and then rushed us out the door and it was pretty obvious we weren’t welcome there. (We asked first before coming)

Then found out my aunt won’t be coming to my baby shower which isn’t much of a shock since she was kind of rude to me when she found out I was pregnant before marriage. (Not even getting into that bullsh*t)

But I’m not even looking forward to my baby shower now. I’m actually dreading it because I know it’ll just be awkwardly opening cards and fake smiling because even though everyone went all out for my cousin’s baby shower I know they won’t give a shit about mine. No one has bought anything from my registry and my rich grandma gave me a used lamp for my shower and didn’t wrap it. I’ve never been cared for in the family because I’m just too much of a screw up for them.