Guilty

Okay, so idk if this is something I should post here but I really can’t tell anyone about it so here goes nothing.

I’d known this guy since I was like 8 and he was only a year younger than me(I’m 17). My sophomore year he walked in on me and one of my brothers friends fooling around and after that me and him started hanging ou. At first just as friends and then more and more kept happening. We’d been hooking up since December and although I’m ashamed to say it, he got a girlfriend but we kept hooking up. Two weeks ago tomorrow, he got in a car accident out of town and died. Every-time I think about him, it feels like I’m suffocating and I hate it. I don’t think I liked him like that but I can’t hookup with other people now, like I feel guilty and I just think about him. I don’t know how to get past this because I can’t tell anyone.