I just need to get some stuff off my chest, I thought where better than where other women like me knows the struggles of ttc. I’m sorry if this is long winded but I feel I need to write this because I’m surely not the only lady appalled at what her body is doing to her.

So here goes... a little back story first.

Me and my husband has been ttc #3 for 3 years. We have been on a rollercoaster to say the least, my husband had a vasectomy in 2011 which was reversed and failed in 2015 (due to medical negligence) we then went on and got a second attempt reversal in 2016 which was a success much to our relief as we were told a second attempt wouldn’t work. So we are happy and content trying to get pregnant for a year with nothing happening. Hubbys sperm was analysed very closely at different intervals to make sure no scarring was occurring and blocking his vas defrens. I was also monitored for ovulation, as my periods had changed over the course of the 3 years, from going from regular 28 days to 25, 26,27,29,30,31 days, and they confirmed I was definitely ovulating with a day 21 test on 3 separate occasions. eventually they settled down and most of the time I would have a 27 day cycle, and I was able to tell when I ovulated. Every month we were hitting ovulation and temps would support this, so I was extremely happy knowing that we had definitely caught it. We’re now in 2018 and I’m still no further forward with a pregnancy. So I decided that something wasn’t right with my body and took the plunge to see a fertility doctor. In my mind I thought they were going today everything was fine and I was just extremely stressed about it all. I was booked in for a hsg on 26th April which I grudgingly went for, (I was extremely scared because I knew I would get bad news) I should mention that I get no cramps on my left side and I get a constant mild cramp on my right side all through the month. Well the hsg was actually fine pain wise didn’t feel anything at all from it and was extremely lucky with after effects as I didn’t bleed or spot or have half the thing that most women get after it. I went in cycle day 12 but I knew I was ovulating before that (around cycle day 10) I was bummed because Iv heard how this can increase your chances of getting pregnant so I was all for going for it, I had a 30 day cycle last month so we arranged to do it on cycle day 12 this month as we all assumed I would have a 27 day cycle... NOPE! My body’s being a bitch and ovulated early and I’m out this month again! The hsg was absolutely pointless as I didn’t get any clear answer whatsoever from it, they can’t tell me if I have blocked tubes (although they could see some dye going through my tubes but no

spillage from them at the end... they are unsure if I have had a Fallopian tube spasm because I was told a blockage at the ovarys on both sides is uncommon and not seen very often, hence why they think my tubes have went into spasm. I now have to go and get a laparoscopy which I’m not looking forward to at all, I’m just extremely annoyed at my body and why it just won’t work and do what it’s supposed to do, I went in under the impression that I had a blocked right tube and came out with the impression I could possibly have two blocked tubes, but I don’t even come under the high risk group for getting blocked tubes, and the fertility specialist is baffled about it. So we now continue to go on for another how many months seeing everyone getting pregnant and were still fighting a battle that I doubt will ever end. Not only that now with the lap I’m opening myself up to a number of complications if I ever did get pregnant again. And I’m at the stage in this journey where I have to think about what would be worth it, I would’ve been fine if they just told me I had one blocked tube and the other was open, at least then I know I would’ve had a chance of a successful pregnancy but now my hopes have been shattered again.... I know I’m not the only person going through this and that my circumstances aren’t as bad as others but we all need to get things off our chest. We all hurt no matter what stage we’re at in any part of this journey. And I just had to share how much I feel I’m letting my husband down and how much my body is letting me down.

Thanks for reading.