Things Get Better ☺️☺️

Three years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was in a very unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationship. My mental health had gotten so bad and out of control (because I had no idea what was going on) that I ended up in the emergency room twice.

The first time I went in with a panic attack. They gave me meds and sent me on my way. The second time I went in there with a crying spell that I couldn’t get control of. I almost admitted myself to a mental health hospital but the idea of being alone was scarier than not getting better.

I struggled with eating disorders. I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I struggled with self harm. I struggled with depression. I struggled with mania. I struggled with anxiety.

A lot of it seems like such a blur anymore because I’ve worked super hard to get to a better mental state.

My mental health journey actually started when I moved off to college in 2012. This is where I discovered I had generalized panic disorder and depression. I was given Zoloft and Clonazepam and sent to therapy.

I took the Zoloft for three days and took myself off of it immediately. I had terrible suicidal thoughts (which up until that point had never really had) and I couldn’t get out of bed. Clonazepam made me sleep for hours on end so I kept missing classes.

I eventually stopped taking both meds and decided to just deal with the panic attacks as they came. The therapy was a total joke too. She was a school therapist and had no idea what she was really doing.

Two years go by and I switch colleges because I thought being closer to home would help. I got myself into more therapy but still was totally against taking meds because of the experience with Zoloft.

My new therapist thought I was batshit crazy and thought I had schizophrenia. She never made a true diagnosis of what I had and just gave me some more shitty therapy. I stopped going to that therapist and about a year later in 2015 found my current therapist.

She was quickly able to diagnose me and put me on the proper medications (within the first few weeks of visits!) and I was well on my way to FINALLY getting better.

In 2015 is when I got into an unhealthy relationship. That’s when things started to get bad quick. He made me quit therapy because he felt like she was implanting negative things about him in my head. That’s when I ended up in the ER twice within a few weeks of each other.

In 2016 I broke things off with him and it’s only been uphill since. I started therapy again, I started riding horses again, I discovered meditation. I found a lot of things that made me very happy.

For a very long time I thought that I was not good enough. That I would never amount to anything. That things would never get better and while I still relapse and have peals and valleys I am happy to say that with consistent therapy and the meds I’m taking that things are better.

This morning I found myself making pancakes with my step daughter and listening to my favorite worship music. I think without my mental health journey I would not have been able to appreciate moments like these.

I’ve only been with my husband in total for about 8 months but they have been the best 8 months of my life. I’ve found a man that truly loves me and that I truly love. Ladies they’re out there! I didn’t believe it myself until I met him ❤️

To those of you struggling right now with any sort of mental health issues or you’re in the middle of a heartbreak. I promise things get better.