Putting on a fake smile...

Just found out my brother in-law and his girlfriend are expecting...

I became overwhelmed with emotion. I cried for hours when I found out. Not sure how to describe it.. sadness, anger, frustration...

It's a hard pill to swallow when you have been trying for almost a year and experienced a miscarriage during that time..

They didn't even want a child... I want to be happy for them. But the honest to god truth is I'm not... maybe if my brother in-law's gf was a better person I could find happiness for them. But she's a POS..

She already has a daughter that she lost custody of...

I hate the way I sound about it... so bitter and jaded.

Worst part is my husband and I have kept our miscarriage and the fact that we're TTC between us.. so they have no idea the pain watching this happen is. And it's not their fault, they don't know any better....

But here I am, having to put on a fake smile and congratulate them... and somehow avoid breaking down in tears again...

God give me strength.