hatred and pain

so last year I fell pregnant with what would have been #1 child. at 3 1/2 months I had a late miscarriage... it was and still is extremely painful emotionally. worst part is. my cousin who is a year older then me was also pregnant I found this out a week before I miscarried. she was less than a month further along than I was. after my miscarriage she's still healthfully pregnant.its created this pure hate for her,sometimes I wish something horrible would happen but then it send in into s spiral of crying cause I know how it feels. she's due soon. and I know the pain is only going to get worse. I wouldn't actually do anything to cause her or her baby any kind of harm,but please tell me that all this bitter emotion is somewhat normal for what I'm going through