Rough day rough week idk what group to put this in. Sue me.

I have a past of self harm. I am currently depressed. And anxious. I currently fight it normally. Get through the day in a blur. Cool. Tonight. Tonight I broke down. Tonight I gave in. Tonight I took a blade to my wrist. Not too bad. Not to ‘die’. But to feel pain. To feel pain I inflicted on myself rather than the emotional pain others inflict on me. Pain to remind me I’m alive. I’m human. Do I hate myself for doing it? Yes. Do I feel like a failure for doing so well fighting the demons in my head every day and succeeding? Yes. Can I do anything about it? No. My heart hurts. My head hurts. Im tired. I’m struggling. I know people have it worse. So don’t say that. But sometimes, I feel like I am drowning. And no one can hear my gasps of air.