around 10 months ago my long distant boyfriend and i broke up, well actually he broke up with me. i WAS devastated and tried for weeks to get back together. eventually he told me that he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship and that if we wish to stay friends that i should stop trying to het back together.

after hearing that, i was heartbroken. he was acting SO cold towards me. he had flat out told me he didn’t want to date. after that i went on a couple of dates here and there. nothing crazy and nothing serious.

i met this guy, he was nice and cute. but I had no idea this would happen. it’s hard for me to get into details but he had completely taken advantage of me without my consent. he did have sex with me without me saying yes, and quite frankly i didn’t have a choice. (he had driven me out an hour+ from my home, it was dark, he locked his car... don’t think i need to say much more.)

and, he didn’t wear protection.

i was able to never see that guy again, but i never told anyone about this attack. not my friends, family, and not my now ex-boyfriend.

so, the two of us got back together at some point. i had told him about the dates i went on... and this guy. i couldn’t bring myself to tell him about the attack. i was embarrassed and angry and disappointed in myself. so i ended up telling him just hat we had sex, unprotected, but not the whole story about how it was unwanted.

so since he thinks this sex was consensual he’s forgiven me for it.

well... i think i have an STD. it worried in the back of my mind and i never asked the guy if he’d been tested because my immediate thought was to cut off contact and never think about him again.

i didn’t show any symptoms, but now, about 8 months later some weird things have been going on.

a little while ago my discharge completely changed, which i assumed was a yeast infection, now i’m thinking it’s more serious. i’ve also developed a nasty UTI. and i know STD symptoms can be similar to both of those.

i haven’t been tested yet. i’m still figuring out how to bring it up to my mother (i’m 19 btw, i live at home with no source of income)

i HAVE no idea how to tell my mom. and i REALLY don’t want my dad to know. i’m sure my mom probably assumes i’ve had sex by now but i just can’t tell her about this attack. i haven’t told anyone, and i want to keep it that way.

but i’m worries once i get tested, it’ll be positive. i know with proper medication an STF can be completely cleared up, but still. i have no idea how i’d tell my boyfriend. i know he’d be disappointed in me and i’m worried this is something he’d leave me over.

i love my boyfriend. he’s quite literally been the only one there and saved my life when i was down the path of suicide. but i know we’re not great, and i know he was upset when i told him i had sex, and i think he wouldn’t stay if he learned i had an STD. but, that’s something i can’t hide about to him, morally that’s wrong.

ugh, any advice?

and honestly if anyone is willing to talk to me, i’d appreciate it. this is the first time i’ve acknowledged to anyone else about my attack and that’s a hard thing to keep bottled up.

PS. he’s going to be moving here. soon. within the next couple of months. just complicates everything :/

Cat tail

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey