I’m not a first time mom, this is my 3rd baby & all my babies have been early with a complication... my daughter was 36+3 with VSD (a heart issue) my first son was 36+0 with severe jaundice, almost needing a blood transfusion & now my littlest little & second son was born at 35+3 & was “healthy” & able to go home after only 4 days. He then presented with jaundice levels that continued to rise, they peaked today which has landed us back in the hospital. Upon arrival they have become aware his breathing is rapid with periods of apnea in between & lower than they’d like to see oxygen levels (90ish)... he’s being transferred to another hospital an hour away from our home. They’ve got all sorts of things hooked up to him & im just completely depressed & beside myself. My 6 day old baby just as tiny as can be is suffering & there is nothing I can do. I cannot nurse him due to the transfer & when he hears my voice or I’m in the room he roots for me, I’m having a hard time finding strength & im honestly terrified. Just needed to vent &/or reach out to other moms. My husband is trying to coddle me but I’m so deeply depressed & he’s hurting too. I just think what I feel only another mother could understand. I am seriously broken. Unable to hold, feed, soothe my newborn, an hour away from my other children, unable to sleep, forcing myself to eat for my milk... I’m lost.