So my father-in-law (age 70) is getting married to one of my husband’s exes (age 29). We love my FIL (father-in-law).

However, we do not support their relationship. One of the main reasons is because she cheated on her previous husband for 2 years of their 5 year marriage with my FIL. Infidelity is wrong regardless of if one feels the act is justified in their own eyes. We also distanced ourselves from her because she broke my trust a number of times and even confessed to my husband that she wished we weren’t together so they could have a second chance.

They’re not married yet and she already controls his money. Sometimes, my husband will ask his dad for a few bucks to be able to afford a bill so we’re not late or something. If she’s around the answer is always no. And then he’ll secretly text his own son and say “yes, but don’t tell her I gave you money.” If she’s not around, the answer is always “yes, but don’t tell her I gave you money.” This girl, before my husband and I tied the knot” even told my FIL that she would go through with the wedding unless my FIL kicked my now husband out of the house! My now husband had literally nowhere to go (even his own mother wouldn’t take him in because she was worried it would change her relationship with her bf - my parents took him in but are upset they had to).

My questions are:

How do you love your neighbor in this situation?

My mom said wedding protocol is as follows:

-inviting the ex husband/wife is not mandatory but inviting your son’s wife’s parents is

Is that true? (I ask because they invited my MIL (mother in law) - my FIL’s ex wife - but not my parents)

How do we involve my FIL in our kids’ lives w/o wife #4?

UPDATE: Turns out the reason my FIL is FORCING my husband to stand in his wedding is because the fiancé said so and if my husband drops out she’ll be pissed and cause a strain on my FIL’s relationship with her. But it’s perfectly okay and to cause stress and strain to my husband and on our marriage as long as she’s happy! Why can’t my husband’s brother stand in instead? She didn’t threaten to leave my FIL if he didn’t kick out the other son!