Depression and spouse?

Question

Talking to my husband today and he tells me that he thinks he’s depressed. I myself have anxiety and sometimes get into depressing moods too. But idk how to help him. I kinda force myself out of it until i feel better. I don’t let myself sink too deep. I also smoke (of the cannabis variety...no judgement I’m in a legal state AND my dr said it was ok for me to do since it helped better than pharmaceuticals with no side effects) he’s military. So he can’t smoke. I’ve asked him if there’s anything he’s always wanted to do that he hasn’t done yet. He’s not even been playing his video games very much. And he LOVES them. Usually plays them alll damned day. Now it’s like he doesn’t have the energy anymore.
How can i help him? He doesn’t want to go to a dr. I asked. It’s the first he’s said but when i asked how long he said awhile. He said he just doesn’t seem to feel any excitement or enjoyment out of stuff anymore, not like he expects to. 
I wanna help him feel better. I know it won’t go away. But, any pick me up ideas? Something? He’s been great for me since i explained how my anxiety makes me feel overwhelmed. What would be the best thing for him? Space? No space? Activity? I don’t feel like letting him wallow would be a good idea. I think it might make it worse. And i want him to be happy again.

Answer

I’m no doc or anything but my hubby also goes through bouts of depression. He has yet to find a counsellor he can connect with so he’s pretty much given up on it. There are a few things I can recommend you try.
Giving him space will probably make him feel alone and retreat more into a shell. He needs comfort. He probably can’t explain why he feels the way he does but he probably needs you there, to be his rock. Hold him. Don’t ask why or what you can do to help because he doesn’t have the answers. Just have a positive outlook even when he can’t. Tell him you’re here for him and that you’re not leaving. If he has crawled under a metaphorical rock, crawl under there with him and just be.
Don’t expect a quick fix. He might have one great day, and divebomb the next. You might be looking for reasons to explain the good day and explain the divebombing, but you probably can’t. Asking him why will probably cause him more anxiety because he doesn’t know either.
Hang in there—this too shall pass, however painstakingly slow it is. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. See a counsellor for you if you need to. 
Sending you hugs ❤️

Answer

I’d say give him space but at the same time try and get out and about together and do more. Just reassure him that you’re there for him (although you probably don’t need to because he knows.) Go for a bite to eat, walk in a Forrest, go for a nice swim together, just get out an about, Ive had depression for a few years now after I lost my child, didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and couldn’t even be bothered to brush my hair. I was very down as you could imagine and didn’t see a point in going on anymore, my partner (although going through what I am also) was my complete rock, we took each day as it came and made an effort (more than normal) to just be active. He won’t feel better over night it will take time, a friend of mine finds going to the gym can help also coz not only are you having a body workout your occupying your mind also. Maybe he has a lot on his mind, ask him what’s going on in there us ladies are different if some things bothering us 99% of the time we will voice what it is, but unfortunately men have a tendency to bottle up how their feeling. Hope this helps in anyway and hope he’s feeling better soon and yourself also! 💙

Depression and spouse?

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