How do you cope when you have a relationship with your rapist family?

He’s my ex fiancé.... and I’m pregnant....

His grandma and sister is who I have a relationship with. His grandma has put in over 1000 dollars into the baby already and he’s not even born yet....

I never asked for anything from her. She’s always offered and has had to kinda push me to accept her gifts.

400 dollars of Gymbery clothes

Crib

Glider chair

But I want nothing to do with the father.... Not after what he’s done and said....

She knows this. Her and his sister both know this.

His grandma doesn’t know what he did though. She knows he was verbally abusive.... she doesn’t know he raped me.... took advantage of me.... manipulated and psychologically abused me....

His sister knows somewhat, minus the rape part. She witnessed his treatment of me.

How do I tell them they can come to the hospital.... but if he shows up he’ll be asked to leave by my family and doctor....

How to I avoid him signing any birth certificate?

He’s a covert narcissist. ( a real one. not professionally diagnosed but he’s a text book example of a covert narcissist. Look it up and that’s basically him. It’s extremely hard for a psychologist to diagnose a COVERT narc. Because they hide it well. Usually only the victims who realize what’s happening and break free know what they really are. ) He loves getting the attention. He doesn’t want the baby but he wants the attention the baby comes with.

I’m trapped and I’ll never escape my rapist....

I don’t want to hurt his family....

But I’m breaking down inside and it’s become heavier and heavier on my shoulders.

I suffer from minor PTSD from my relationship and attack....

Which let me explain that....

He pressured me, at 20, to drink to much. He’s an alcoholic and I thought I was avoiding an argument.... I didn’t realize I was going to be raped when I was to drunk to consent or fight back.

I barely remember. I have images of it as if I had a camera and snapped photos but not enough to actually put it all together. He bragged the next day about how we had sex....

Even though it was something I didn’t normally want to do when I was sober....

I never reported it because I blamed myself. But I know now I shouldn’t have....

Now having been diagnosed with minor PTSD I’m scared he can use that against me if he ever tried to go to court or something....

He hasn’t been involved in the pregnancy though.

Hasn’t put forth anything towards it and hasn’t tried to contact my grandma for updates except once a few weeks ago.... I’m 8 months along now though and his sister probably told him too....

My grandma missed the call and called him back but he didn’t answer. It was clearly for show....

Anyways....

As you can see....

My situation is .... unique? Weird?

I don’t know....

I’m hoping I’ll be able to have a c-section.... but I don’t want my ex there....

His grandma and sister are welcomed to visit the day after though.... but how do I politely tell them that he can’t come.... and if he does he’ll be asked to leave or removed?

How do i avoid his name being on the birth certificate?

I don’t even want him to know when I go in....

I’m 21 now, 36 Weeks.

Planning a C section hopefully.

Already had told his grandma and sister they could come to the hospital. :/

And he’s convinced his family he’s “sorry” and is “upset” he missed out on the pregnancy 😒

By the way

“Just don’t tell them” doesn’t work when you’ve already said they could come.

I need to know how to tell them politely and respectfully that HES not allowed to come. I don’t want to make a scene or cause issues for them.

But I do NOT want him to come.

I already don’t feel safe at hospitals in general, I’m not comfortable with hospitals. So last thing I want is my ex to come.

He wouldn’t do anything while everyone is there but him just being near me causes me anxiety.

I don’t want to feel like a cornered animal trying to escape a predator.... trapped.

For me telling them isn’t an option.... I can’t do that to his grandma.... and I’m scared they may not believe me.

I already know he would just deny and come up with some kinda story.

My doctor already knows as well that I don’t want him there and recently I opened up to another doctor ( because mine wasn’t available) about what had happened to me.

She put it in my file for me so I’m sure my doctor knows about that now too.

I have an appointment with her Monday to discuss a c-section. Which I already discussed with the other lady who said she didn’t see my doctor having a problem with it now.

Extra info

They are traveling outta state to visit and be here :/