I feel like the universe sucker punched me in the gut

I went to a fertility specialist/reproductive endocrinologist on Thursday for my first appointment. I was there from 1230 to 4p. They did a vaginal ultrasound and everything is potentially screwed. My left fallopian tube is dense and appears to be blocked, most likely from scar tissue from endometriosis. Inside the left ovary there's 29 follicles, normal amount is 16 to 20, so the high amount is because the egg matured and was unable to be released from the ovary so they got trapped and that raises the probability of that tube being blocked. My right ovary has 18 follicles in it and the tube looks normal. My uterine lining is very thick, which he thinks could be scar tissue as well. He said that might explain why we keep having miscarriages between 8 and 10 weeks, if there's scar tissue it would interfere with the placenta's ability to properly adhere and grow. My vagina is completely covered in scar tissue, he showed me with a camera scope, he won't know if it's affected my cervix until he does a hystoscopy. My last pelvic exam, about 6 months ago showed some scar tissue but not that amount of scar tissue.

When I get my next period I have to schedule an HSG test where they inject radioactive dye into my uterus and take xrays to see if it flows out of both fallopian tubes.

If the left one is definitely blocked during that test I'm going to need surgery. He said I'm going to need surgery regardless bc of the amount of scar tissue in my vagina and he wants to do an exploratory lap. But it'll be done much sooner if it's blocked, he said probably that day.

Best case scenario is it's not a full blockage and he can remove some/most of the tissue from the tube causing the blockage if it's accessible and he'll remove as much as he can from my uterus and vagina. Worst case scenario is he's going to have to remove my entire left ovary and fallopian tube.

That makes my chances of naturally getting pregnant about 20%-40% with one ovary/tube, and if he's able to save the left tube my chances of having an ectopic pregnancy is extremely high. I'll probably need in vitro fertilization to get pregnant bc the tubes will be bypassed, he said even if he saves the tube my best option would be

IVF

because of the risk of ectopic. If there's too much damage to the uterus, there is a diminished chance I'll be able to carry a child to term myself.

I had to get a ton of labs drawn. 16 big tubes of blood. He told me until he knows what's going on that it would be incredibly dangerous for us to have unprotected sex. I also need to see a cardiologist because of my chronic tachycardia and mitral valve prolapse/regurgitation because apparently there's a certain type of regurgitation that is linked to miscarriage, and an endocrinologist because of my elevated cortisol levels.

I'm scared and I'm sad and I can't even process it. I'm just numb.

I feel as if this is karma for every fucked up thing I've ever done and every fucked up thing I've ever said and the universe is taking away the one thing I want the most, the one thing we've been begging for and trying SO hard for.

I'm just angry.