2018 was supposed to be our year. My fiance and I were getting married in October and on January 19th we found out we were pregnant with our first baby due exactly one month before wedding day.

We were over the moon we had wanted this baby so badly and couldn't believe it was finally happening. as our first doctor's appointment approached we were so excited to see and hear our baby's heartbeat. sadly that day that we were so excited about did not go the way we thought. there was no heartbeat and that baby that we love so much was gone. On February 14th Our Lives shattered. we had so many big plans for that baby so much love to give. who knew something so small that you never even got to meet would have such an impact on your life.

I didn't think I would be able to pick up the pieces my heart after that day. I remember coming home and just falling apart into my fiance's arms. I always knew he was the man are you going to marry but that day made me realize what an amazing man I had. even with all the hurt he was feeling he was there to wipe every tear and to just hold me when I needed it.

That was the hardest part for me knowing that my body didn't just take my baby but took away his chance to be a dad. and I know he's going to make the most amazing dad.

we knew we wanted to start trying again right away got my first period after the miscarriage and we knew it was time to start.

on Mother's Day only three months after miscarriage I got a positive pregnancy test. I couldn't wait to tell my fiance this is exactly what we needed. we were both so excited but obviously very cautious because of what just happened.

the next day I went to work and had some sharp pains so I called the doctor they wanted me to come in to check my levels which I did. hCG was 79 low but not too bad considering I was only just about 4 weeks.

they had me come in 2 days later to check them again. they went up to 129 not too bad considering it was only 40 hours later.

started some brown spotting on Sunday doctors office said it's normal as long as it's brown that's old blood but they wanted me to come back in the following day to have more blood work done to make sure my levels were still progressing.

Then today before the doctor could even call me I begin bleeding very heavily. I knew it was happening I was losing my baby again just three months after the first one. how is this Fair all me and my fiance want is a baby that we can love and take care of. when will it be our turn.

this was supposed to be the year all of our dreams came true and it's been a nightmare since the beginning. I know that no matter what I will always have my fiance and I'm so grateful for that because without him I would never be able to get through any of this.

as hard as it sounds I know I have to keep my head up and my heart open and know that things will happen when they're supposed to.

I just want my babies to know how much I love them and that me and their daddy will never forget them.