Okay guys, hold on because this is a long one. I’m 21 and I am engaged to a wonderful man (25). We both just finished our technical class to get our phlebotomy certificates and I plan on going to nursing school within the year and he is taking his last class for his associates in allied health. I’m currently looking for a job since I just got out of school but I know I will find a lab tech job soon. We will both be making about $15/hr. A little over a week ago my period was late and I worried a little bit and then the thought of having a baby made me so incredibly happy. Well I’m on cycle day 35 at this point and suddenly my period shows up. Mind you we are definitely not ttc because neither of us thought we were ready, but when i saw blood I. Broke. Down. I’m talking full on big ass tears. I finally had enough courage to tell my fiancé why I was sad about not being pregnant and he was very understanding and comforting but reminded me why we can’t. I thought that would be the end of it for me but no. The next morning when I think all is well, and I’m over it, my best friend calls and tells me she’s pregnant. She just turned 21 but is engaged. I’m super happy for her of course and I’m saying that over the phone and then when i finally hang up, I break into tears. Now the smallest thing triggers the tears and sadness. We went to target to get gym clothes and I saw baby stuff and broke down in the store. I’m so depressed I don’t know how to control these emotions. He doesn’t want a baby yet, and my mind says not yet, but my heart aches so bad for a baby right now. I’m in tears now as I type this. I’ve been nonstop at the gym for the past week hoping to take my mind off it, but I get home and I’m sad. I don’t know how to cope. We get married in January but I’m already ready for the next step while my fiancé wants to wait. It hurts