I’m currently miscarrying.

This would have been our second child.

11 weeks.

We were so excited and we got ahead of ourselves and chose names, planned the nursery...

Thursday it started with spotting (pink and brown) Friday it became heavier (still pink and brown), by Saturday it was like a full blown menstrual cycle.

I went to the ER. They couldn’t find anything in my uterus. The bloodwork showed hcg present, the urine did too...

but there was nothing there.

The doctor said it could be that I am earlier than we thought, but he strongly believed I’m miscarrying.

I went home and cried for hours. And then the cramps came. They were almost unbearable. They felt like contractions. But the emotional pain was worst.

I passed clots the size of the palm of my hand. I passed a clear sac, a bit bigger than a toonie.

The hardest part of all of this is seeing the tissue of what could have been, what should have been...

We had names, we had nursery designs, we had plans.. our baby had a future.

I feel like my body is weak and should have been stronger. It failed me.

I don’t know how to move past this. I’m broken.

My heart hurts.