Husbands cheating

This may not be necessary but I’d like to start with adding a TRIGGER warning: topic is infant loss and miscarriage.

I’m overly sensitive and need to vent.

My husband “131” and I have been married for three and a half years. We dated two before that and he’s the legal father of my two children from my previous marriage. We have similar jobs- flight RN and Trooper; and have a great life.

Our finances are good. We’re in the process of building a 6 bedroom home on his family’s beloved land, our kids are healthy and happy; both cars are paid.

We have shared a dream of having our own child together since before we were married. 2 miscarriages (one being twin) and now on Clomid 150mg- nothing.

We looked into fostering but fell in love with being a neonatal home hospice family. We legally adopted a NAS baby from the hospital I work at; I took a leave of absence and we had 44 beautiful days with her before she let go.

My husband did too.

His world was our daughter. He did everything with her; all her feeds, went with me to each appointment, even changed his jurisdiction to come home at night and feed her so I could catch a tiny break. He won dad of the year. She left us laying on his chest in bed. He held her for two more hours.

I am unfortunately around death daily with my profession. He lost his mother in January so it stirred up a new level of emotion for him and he went inward.

The cuddling ended. The plans for the house stopped. He’s become reckless with his health and job. We have sex only when I’m about to ovulate and it’s after I break down in tears.

Her bedroom has been permanently locked. I would go in and just sit and think of her and he’s become so angry he’d become a new person. He felt as if I was invading her space. I respected that and have found my own way to move on and love her.

Then I found texts. And videos. And FB messages. So many girls. Over 30 conversations about everything. He sent pictures of our beautiful baby to them telling them he was single and doing it alone. That he was “happily divorced”.

So many nude pictures too. He’s never taken a single picture of me, nude or not but he’s got them stashed of these nasty females.

Text all night. He now hides his phone.

I confronted him and asked him to kindly move out. The home we are living in while the others being built is my parents- he left and hasn’t come back.

I messaged one female who knew about me and our kids. I asked her why? She didn’t tell me, only made ME out to be the bad person. I blocked her and let the rest go. It does me no good sitting around being mad at females who mean nothing

Im not angry anymore. I’m not going to let it bother me any longer. I’m more upset about the child we won’t have. I have Lynch Syndrome and will be having a total hysterectomy next year. My dream is gone.

I’ve attained an attorney; divided assets, we’ve always had separate accounts. I stopped paying his truck payment and took him off my car insurance. He’s livid but that’s what happens when you want to play around outside a holy marriage. He refuses counseling. I’ve tried over and over. I go, and find it helpful; but he will not.

I just had to vent. My hearts low and this group understands.